


His Laugh, His Smile

by rollingday_s



Series: Their Relationship [2]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Drama, M/M, Romance, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 10:13:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rollingday_s/pseuds/rollingday_s
Summary: Aiba saw that Sho had sent the text at 5:00 a.m.. He frowned.'Why is he sending me stuff at 5 in the morning?'





	

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on LJ. 
> 
> **Disclaimer** : Arashi and Sakuraiba don't belong to me. If anything, it's them who own my Soul! Soul!

Aiba woke up from the sound of the alarm ringing somewhere in his room. He was spread on the bed, on his stomach, still dressed, but under the covers. He opened his groggy eyes with a grunt and cursed under his breath because the alarm was pounding in his head and was multiplying his headache from the hangover tenfold. He dared adventure his hand out of the covers, feeling around his night-stand for the alarm clock without success. He grunted again as he unwillingly rolled his body closer to the edge of the mattress and reached under the bed. His fingers finally touched the object of torture and pressed it with force. Another five minutes. Just another five minutes and he would get up, he thought.

    After what seemed to be only two minutes to him, his phone decided to ring. Aiba suppressed a whine as he looked for the phone, finding it under his pillow.

    “Hello?” he said in a sleepy voice, without looking at the caller ID.

    “Were you still sleeping, Aibaka?” said the voice on the other end.

    “Nino, ugh. What do want this early in the morning?” He closed his eyes again and curled up on the bed.

    Nino sighed, and Aiba could almost _hear_ the eye-roll that went with that sigh. “It's not early, you idiot. It's almost ten in the morning, and we have a photoshoot together at eleven.”

    “Eeeh!?” he exclaimed, and jerked up. “Ah! That's bad, I'm going to be so late!” He started panicking and tried to pull his pants down with one hand, his other hand looking for his slippers, his phone between his shoulder and his ear.

    “Honestly, you're a lost cause,” his friend said. Aiba could hear soft tapping sounds coming from Nino's end. He was probably playing some game, but he still called because he knew he would be too sleepy and too hangover to remember about their photoshoot. Nino liked to play tough, but Aiba knew that deep inside he cared a lot.

    “I'm going to hang up now, alright? See you on set,” he yelled in the receiver, frantically. “Ah! Nino?” he added.

    “What, Aibaka?”

    “Thank you.”

    Nino snorted and hung up.

    Aiba threw his phone on his bed. He had succeeded in pulling off his pants and his shirt, and now he slid off his boxer and threw himself in the shower. His throbbing head was giving him hell, but he didn't have time to think about it. Everything else was a blur for the next hour, but he managed to get clean, shave, put some clothes on and be on set only ten minutes later than he was supposed to. Nino was already there, and was talking to the photographer, Nakayama.

    “Good morning!” Aiba yelled, out of breath.

    “Aiba-san, you're here,” the photographer said. “I was just explaining to Ninomiya-san the concept of the photos. Did you already go to make-up?”

    Aiba nodded. “I've just come from there.”

    “Good, then. We'll be ready in five.” Nakayama gave his orders and his assistants started making the final adjustments to the lights and the set.

    “What did I miss?” Aiba asked his friend. They were both wearing a kimono, so he imagined that they would be doing something traditional, but the set was in front of them was the reconstruction of a modern house, so he felt confused.

    “Uh, he wants to show the contrast between old and new, as far as I understand it. Wants us to just do domestic stuff, I suppose.” Nino shrugged. Photoshoot concepts were weird sometimes.

    Aiba snickered. “Do they want us to be lovey-dovey?”

    “You bet.” Nino rolled his eyes. “You look like hell, by the way.”

    “Why, thank you, that's a nice compliment.”

    “You know me, always nice.” His friend poked at his belly until he smacked his hand away. “I meant to ask... where did you go last night?”

    “Hmm, what?”

    “We were going to share the cab, remember? But you asked the driver to stop suddenly and said you were going to walk. I tried to stop you, but you said you were just going to sleep at Sho-kun's so you were going to walk with him, and we were both too drunk to find the fault in that,” he snorted.

    Aiba scratched his nose. “Well, I woke up at home this morning, so I guess I never met Sho-kun. And honestly the only proof I have that last night even existed at all is this god-awful headache.”

    “Ninomiya-san, Aiba-san,” one of the assistants said as she approached them. “We are ready for you.”

    “Yes,” they said in unison. Aiba conjured up his best smile. _'Here we go.'_

 

They wrapped up the photoshoot with a last scene in which they had to pretend to eat a hamburger. The meat was definitely real and not a prop, and Aiba could feel his stomach protest at the sight. The headache was slowly fading, but he still felt nauseous at the mere thought of food. Nevertheless, he smiled and laughed at the camera, and mentally made a note to punch Nino later when he started pushing little bites of meat in his lips' direction, forcing him to eat. _'The little imp,'_ he thought while his friend all but shoved the meat inside his mouth with a smirk.

    “All right, that was good,” told them Nakayama. “Thank you for your work today.” He bowed his head sightly, and Nino and Aiba mirrored him.

    They went to their dressing room to change. Nino, as usual, was the quickest, so he sat on a chair while waiting for Aiba to finish changing.

    “I bought some new games yesterday,” his friend said while he was buttoning his pants. “Wanna come over and play?”

    “Sure.” He felt his pockets. “Hey, where's my phone?”

    He looked around and saw that Nino was playing with it. “What are you doing?”

    “I installed PokémonGO so I can play. Mine's dead.”

    “Come on, Nino, I need my battery!” He tried to snatch it from his hands, but his friend dodged him and he fell face first on the floor.

    “By the way,” Nino continued while he whined in pain. “You have a text from 'Sakurai.'”

    “Sho-kun?” Aiba felt confused. He got up and rubbed his nose to lessen the pain. “What does he want?”

    “Something about last night?” Nino scanned the text. “He's sorry he didn't stop you from doing something that he wanted?”

    “Uh, that's weird. Give it here.”

    Nino reluctantly handed him his phone. Aiba saw that Sho had sent the text at 5:00 a.m.. He frowned. _'Why is he sending me stuff at 5 in the morning?'_ He started reading it.

    _______________________________

    From: Sakurai  
    At: 5:00 a.m.

    I'm sorry. I should have stopped you.  
    I know you didn't mean to do that,  
    but I should have known better.  
    ...  
    _______________________________

    _'Uh? What is he talking about?'_ He was perplexed. 

    _______________________________

    ...  
    But I wanted that, Aiba. I've always  
    wanted that. I know it wasn't right and  
    I regret ever letting it happen. I hope  
    you can forgive me. I won't ever let  
    that happen again, you can rest  
    assured.

      SS

    **************END**************  
    _______________________________

    He blinked a couple of times. He tried to rack his brain to remember what exactly happened the previous night, but he came up with nothing. _“But I wanted that, Aiba. I've always wanted that.”_ What did Sho want? And why was it bad that Aiba did it?

    Without thinking about it, he dialled Sho's number. The phone rang twice before he heard the familiar voice.

    “Hello?” Sho sounded concerned.

    “Hello? Ah, Sho-kun. It's-- it's me, Aiba.” He felt nervous all of a sudden. But that wasn't news, really. He was always nervous around Sho.

    “Yeah, I know, I have your number,” he chuckled.

    “Right, that was stupid,” he said, trying to think what to say next. He was very aware of the fact that Nino was listening in on the conversation, and his friend would probably see through his nervousness in a heartbeat if he didn't at least _try_ to cover it up. He turned his back in what he hoped would seem like a casual way. “I found a text from you... well, actually Nino did. We're together right now for work, and...” He sighed. _'Get to the point, Masaki, who cares what you were doing with Nino!'_ he scolded himself mentally. “So, anyway, I found the text you sent about last night.”

    The phone went silent. “Hello?” he said. “Did we lose connection?”

    “Shit,” he heard Sho whisper, probably to himself.

    “What's wrong?”

    “Nothing's wrong, just-- just ignore that, okay? I was half-asleep, I probably sent that by mistake,” Sho sounded flustered and nervous. “Look, I have to go now, I'm heading out in ten minutes, so I'll just... I'll see you at work, okay?” And he hung up before Aiba could say anything.

    He stared at the phone even more confused than before. Sho sounded in distress. Just what did he do last night? Nino had told him he went out of the taxi and went after Sho. He thought he never met him because he woke up in his bed this morning, but if something had happened while they were all still at the bar, Nino would have remembered. That meant... he did meet Sho after all. And between meeting him and then ending up in his own house, in his own bed... he had done something.

    “Sorry, Nino,” he put the phone in his pocket. “We'll take a rain-check on those games?”

    “Hmm, it's okay. Why? Something happened?”

    “I'm not sure,” he said, squinting his eyes.

 

What had Sho said? He was going to be out in ten minutes. Aiba knew how obsessed he was with his schedule even on an off-day, so he knew he had _exactly_ ten minutes to reach his apartment. Luckily, it wasn't far, because taking a car at that hour wasn't an option unless he wanted to be stuck in traffic. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up so he wouldn't be recognised. The only thing left to do, now, was to run.

    It started raining as soon as he saw Sho's building about five minutes later. He stopped outside the gates to catch his breath. He ringed the doorman so he would let him in. The rain was starting to fall heavier when he stepped inside the building.

    “How can I help you?” It was the doorman, a man probably in his 50s. He looked at him with kind eyes.

    “Yes, sorry. I'm here to visit Sakurai-san. I'm Aiba, Aiba Masaki.”

    “Certainly, Aiba-san, I know who you are.” He smiled, cordially. “I will let Sakurai-san know you're here.”

    “Thank you.” He brushed a hand in his hair as he looked at the doorman entering his office.

    Slowly, some details of the previous night were coming back. He remembered being super drunk at one point, and waking Ohno from his slumber. They both started to cry about something before Sho had tried to calm them. And then somewhere after that he was certain that Jun asked him if he thought that they were real or only a figment of someone's imagination. Or something like that. It was always weird with Jun.

    “Aiba-san,” the doorman said, “Sakurai-san is not home at this time, it appears.”

    “He isn't?” Was he too late? He was sure it didn't take him more than five minutes to get there.

    “I'm afraid no one answered. Should I leave a message?”

    “Ah, no, no. It's okay. Thank you.”

    The doorman bowed as he went out.

  _'That's weird,'_ he thought. He pulled his hood up again against the wind and rain outside. He passed the gate and checked his watch. It didn't take longer that five minutes to get there after all. And the doorman had said there was no reply, but he was sure he had heard voices come from his cabin. _'Weird,'_ he thought again. He looked up at the cloudy sky. He was already wet now, so no point in running somewhere to avoid the rain. And that's when he decided to crouch against the walls outside the building, and wait to see if Sho would show up.

    He stared at the ground, trying to recall what he could about the incident, but all he could remember was more alcohol and Ohno weeping about feeling guilty at the thought that the fish he would catch were some little fish's mother or father. He snorted. The rain was now so thick that he couldn't see much, and he shivered from the cold. Why was he even doing this? He could have waited till the next day, when they had their VS Arashi recording, and he would see Sho again. But something in Sho's voice when he called him had made him uneasy. He pulled his legs against his chest and buried his head in his arms.

    He tried hard to ignore the loud heartbeats that were filling his ears. _'I shouldn't be here,'_ he thought nervously. _'So what if he pretended not to be home? What if he doesn't want to see me? He never did care, anyway.'_ He thought back to his Junior days. Sho was a year older, had entered the agency earlier than him. Everyone, including Aiba, looked up to him. _'No,'_ he shook his head. It was different for him. Aiba's feelings for Sho had always been different. But, just like in his Junior days, Sho never paid attention to him, never cared. When he had found out that he would be in a group with not only his friends Nino and Jun, - with whom he had a group already with Ikuta Toma called MAIN, - but Sho as well... he had felt like his heart would explode. He thought he could get closer to him. He snorted, bitterly. He'd never been more wrong.

    As the year passed, Sho had started to distance himself more and more. Oh, he was certainly happy to keep up pretences for the camera. Hugging him, talking to him, calling him affectionately “Aiba-chan” or even – his heart skipped a beat - “Masaki”... But they never talked when they were alone. Sho was always so far away, and Aiba gradually started to drift off as well.

    He never knew why Sho hated him so much, but he tried hard to not care. He tried hard to forget what Sho's laugh sounded like when he jokingly told him he thought earrings would suit him, and the next day Aiba showed up with a blush and a pierced ear. Sho never said anything, only cuckled happily and smirked at him, but Aiba carried that moment in his heart since then. He tried _so_ hard not to care, and he failed miserably every time. But nothing ever changed, and Aiba's smile, - his genuine smile, - gradually faded with the passing of the years.

    Lost in his thoughts, he suddenly heard the noise of the gate creaking on his right, and then a surprised voice.

    “A—Aiba!?”

    He lifted his head.

    “What are you doing here like this, under the rain!?” Sho ran up to him and pulled him up, keeping his umbrella over him, so he could be covered from the rain. “Have you... have you been crying?” He said, looking at him with concern in his gaze.

    Aiba snapped out of his daze. His hand wiped his cheek and he realised he had really been crying without noticing. “It's nothing,” he croaked. “It's just rain.”

    Sho sighed impatiently and grabbed him by the wrist. He started pulling him roughly to get inside and he just let him drag him without resisting. Once in the building, Sho nodded to the doorman and pushed Aiba in the elevator before getting inside and pressing the button to his floor.

    “What were you thinking!?” He said, angrily. “How long have you been standing there!? You're such an idiot. Look at you, you're all wet and you're trembling! You're going to get a cold and who knows what else!”

  _Ding._ The elevator's doors opened. Sho grabbed his wrist again and pulled him to his apartment.

    “There are slippers in there,” he said when he had opened the door. “I'm going to get a towel and some clean clothes.” And he went away muttering something else about what an idiot he was under his breath.

    Aiba took off his shoes and his wet socks. Then he took off his sweatshirt as well, and remained in his t-shirt and jeans. He felt bad when he saw that he was dripping all over the floor, but there was nothing he could do, so he tried to stay still hoping that would prevent him from making the whole apartment wet.

    Sho returned with towels and clothes. “What are you still doing there? Come in.”

    “Ah, the _tatami_...”

    “Right now I'm more worried about you.” He handed him a towel and started drying his hair with another one for a second before stopping abruptly. He took his sweatshirt and his socks from his hands a little flustered. “Come in. Change. I'm going to dry all your clothes if you give me those as well,” he said.

    “Thank you, Sho-kun,” he whispered. He put the slippers on and entered the apartment. The older man waited patiently as he went to the bathroom to change. He stripped and took the clean underwear. He almost laughed at the sight of the purple hearts. The boxers were a gift he gave him more than a few years ago. He was impressed he still had them.

    He changed quickly. Sho had given him sweatpants, a t-shirt and a cardigan – fashion really wasn't his thing, Aiba had thought while he had looked at the light brown cardigan and the camouflage pants. He gave his wet clothes to the other man, and waited on the couch as he put them in the drier. His phone, that had been sitting in his jeans' pockets together with his wallet and home keys, wasn't that wet, fortunately, so he managed to dry it with one of the towels.

    “So,” he said when he came back, sitting down beside him. “What were you doing like an idiot under the pouring rain like that?”

    “I thought your doorman had lied when he said you weren't there, so I was waiting,” he lowered his voice. “For you.”

    As if he had just suddenly remembered about the whole situation, Sho started tapping his hand on the armchair nervously. His gaze shifted. “I didn't ask him to lie, I just said I was going to leave soon and it was pointless to let you in,” he cleared his voice. “This reminds me that I have an appointment, so maybe you should go. I can lend you an umbrella.” He made to get up.

    Aiba ignored him. “I came to ask you about that text.”

    Sho started panicking. “Look. It was nothing. A stupid prank, really. I couldn't sleep and I was bored, so I thought I could mess with you a little. I really thought I had deleted it, though. I was never meant to actually send it.”

    “Why would you even write a text if it's not meant to be sent?”

    Sho stared at him wordlessly. “I don't know.”

    “You never text me, anyway,” Aiba continued. He felt his heat rise up. All the anger and frustration that had piled up these seventeen years started getting too much all of a sudden. He wanted to yell at Sho for never texting him. He wanted to yell at him for not wanting to talk to him. He wanted to make Sho look at him instead of avoiding his gaze like he was doing now. He wanted him to _care_ , for once. But he didn't do any of this. Instead, he looked straight ahead and spoke again.

    “What happened last night, Sho-kun?”

    Sho looked at him in disbelief. “Eh!? You don't remember!?”

    Aiba kept on staring the blank screen of the TV in front of him. “I don't.”

    “Then why do you even care?” He asked, sounding incredulous and relieved at the same time.

    “I care because I _care_ ,” he hissed, and Sho winced. “I care because you sent me a text at five in the morning. I care because when I call you you refuse to talk about it. I care because when I get to your apartment you pretend you're not here. I care, Sho-kun. Despite myself, and despite you not giving a damn about me, I care.”

    He heard a whisper come from his side. “It's not true that I don't care about you.”

    He ignored him. He was lying, he was sure of that. But he was sure he had heard... No, there was no hint of affection in his voice, it was just his wishful thinking. He turned back to look at him. His eyes looked sad. Aiba told himself that what he was seeing was just pity. He straightened his back at the thought. He wouldn't let himself be pitied. With an angry gesture, he took his phone out and started reading the text aloud. “What is it that you _'always wanted'_? What did I do that you _'should have stopped'_ because you knew _'it wasn't right'_?”

    Sho was looking at the floor. He hadn't moved since Aiba had lashed out at him. His hands were clasped, and his shoulders looked even more sloped than usual. “When I say this,” he said, failing to keep his voice from trembling, “you're going to hate me.”

  _'I could never hate you,'_ Aiba thought, but he didn't say it. He didn't want to reassure Sho now. He wanted him to think he could hate him. He wanted him to suffer, even if it was just a little. Even if it wouldn't make Sho suffer as much it would make him suffer.

    “Last night you were drunk,” he continued, looking at anywhere but him. “I called a cab for all of you and walked home. I had left you with Nino in one of the cabs, but then you came running, blabbing about wanting to sleep at my place and... you were so drunk.” He stopped, biting his lip.

    “Go on.”

    Sho lowered his voice to almost a whisper. He didn't seem to be talking to Aiba any more. He looked at his hands, his gaze far away, like he was remembering something. “You were so drunk and I was not, and I wish I could say I regret not stopping you, but that would probably be the biggest lie I could ever say.” He gave a small, nervous cackle. “You were drunk, and I don't know why you did it, and I don't care that you didn't mean it, but you—you kissed me.”

    Aiba gasped, his heart started pumping his blood at a quicker pace. It couldn't be, could it? “Sho-kun... what do you mean...”

    “I wish I could say it was gross. I wish I could tell you that I'm mad at you. I wish I could just laugh it off as the ridiculous gesture of a drunk man. But I can't. And I won't.” He had said those last words louder. “I really didn't mean to send that text. But it's been killing me, and I won't hide it anymore. I'd rather be hated by you than ignore my feelings for you for another seventeen years.” He stopped and waited. He didn't dare look up.

    “Sho-kun,” Aiba said. He put a hand over his, and Sho flinched. “Look at me.”

    He shook his head. Aiba thought he looked like a child who was throwing a tantrum. He kneeled on the floor next to him and looked up at him. “Sho-kun,” he whispered, cupping his cheeks. Sho finally looked back. Aiba had never seen him like that. His eyes were lifeless, desperate. He couldn't stand it anymore. “I'm sorry,” he said. “I'm sorry you ever felt this way. I'm sorry I didn't see through you. I'm sorry you thought I could ever hate you. But I'm mostly sorry you thought I didn't mean to kiss you.”

    His voice trembled even more than before, when he spoke again. “It's okay. You don't have to lie. You don't have to sugar-coat it for me. You think I'm disgusting.”

    Aiba shook his head violently. “Don't you _dare_. Don't you ever dare say that ever again.”

    He smiled a little before noticing the tears. “Masaki... why are you crying?”

    “I'm crying because you are an idiot. I'm crying because we both idiots. I'm crying because you never call me Masaki and I don't think my heart can handle it right now. And I'm crying because I want to kiss you, but you are--”

    He never did get to tell Sho what he thought he was, because as soon as he had heard his words, he had gasped, his eyes opening wide in surprise, and he had wasted no more time. He felt the softness of Sho's plump lips pressing against his and wrapped his hands around his neck, pushing into him to deepen the kiss. He let Sho explore his mouth with his tongue, welcoming the warm sensation that was tugging at the pit of his stomach. His heart was threatening to explode. He couldn't believe this was really happening. Their kiss became hungrier, until he couldn't breathe anymore, but he didn't care. He wanted to breathe Sho, to live Sho, to _love_ Sho. As long as he kept kissing him, everything was going to be okay. He didn't need anything else in his life.

    With a trembling hand, Sho caressed his cheek gently. On his lips, Aiba could taste the other man's tears as well as his own. He broke the kiss gasping for air, but Aiba was having none of it. He grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him down on the floor with him, making Sho lose his balance and almost hit his head on the coffee table. He fell on Aiba instead, and they head-butted. “Ouch!” They both yelled before bursting out with laughter.

    “Why does it always end up like this?” Sho said while still laughing.

    “Uh? What do you mean?”

    Sho looked down at him. He adjusted his weight on top of Aiba, but he didn't move. They stood there, feeling the heat of their bodies against each other, their lips just centimetres apart.

    “You were in my dreams last night,” Sho said. He blushed a little but didn't deflect his gaze. “You pulled me so hard that we fell down, like this.”

    Aiba smiled at him.

    “Yes. You smiled in my dream too.” He caressed his lips. “That's how I knew it was a dream. You never smile. I love Masaki's smile,” he said nostalgically.

    “I love it when Sho laughs.”

    “I love it when you call me Sho.”

    “I love it when you call me Masaki.”

    “Masaki...” He hesitated a little before continuing. “I love _you_.”

    “I love you too, Sho,” Aiba whispered, pulling him in a brief kiss. “I want you.”

    Sho bit his lower lip. Aiba wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them once again. He wanted Sho to push himself on him, caressing his side, his back, his neck. He wanted to feel Sho's muscles moving under his touch, shifting against his own. He stared at him lustfully, waiting for confirmation. “I want you too,” was all the man managed to say, before Aiba started kissing him again.

 

Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think this would happen, he thought as he took Sho into his mouth. For the first time in his life, he could let his desire grow and take over his whole mind and body. He could touch, and pinch, and kiss, and suck, and lick, and love. For real.

    He had feasted on Sho's body many times before when they had took showers together after concerts, but he always felt like a creeper, staring at his firm buttocks and his muscular back, and the way his shoulder blades twitched as he cleaned himself. Aiba would try to remember every detail at home alone afterwards, even if he always felt guilty when he finished. But imagining Sho's back in front of him, his arms up against the shower's walls, his muscles trembling from the pleasure, with the sound of the water covering his whimpers as Aiba pushed inside him was the only way he ever allowed himself to persist in his delusion.

    But Sho's body, he found out, was even more beautiful than it looked from a distance. Aiba quickly found out about the ways he could make him shiver. Biting his neck seemed to make him moan harder than anything. Touching his belly would make him laugh, as he was very ticklish. Licking his ear would make him rub against him instinctively. Caressing his back would make him purr against his lips. And the fact that he would tremble that way only for him was better than any fantasy Aiba ever had. Every little thing made him stunning.

    Sho's moans brought him back to the present. He was sighing “faster” and “yes” erratically while thrusting up, and Aiba just let him. He felt Sho's hands tighten his grip on his hair, causing him a pleasurable pain. When he felt him release inside his mouth, he swallowed, letting him slow down at his own pace while caressing his thighs gently.

    “Kiss me, Masaki,” ordered Sho, breathing heavily. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes still closed. _'So much more beautiful,'_ he thought.

    Aiba slowly made his way up, kissing every inch of his body up to his mouth. He bit gently on his lower lip. It was so full and soft. He sucked on it before kissing him.

    He felt Sho's hand wrap around his erection, and he broke from the kiss to moan in the curve of his neck. He touched him painfully slow, teasing him.

    “You shouldn't have made me come, Masaki,” he whispered in his ear, his tone severe and sensual at the same time. “I really wanted to come inside you.” He gave him a squeeze. If hearing those words had made Aiba even more aroused, the increased pressure almost seemed too much to bear.

    “I'm sorry,” he managed to say between pants. “Please. Sho, please. I don't think I can hold on much longer.”

    Sho stopped moving his hand and pushed him off. Aiba groaned with frustration. He covered his face with his hands and almost screamed. He needed to find his release right now. He tried to touch himself.

    “Stop,” the older man ordered.

    Aiba didn't want to obey. A part of him wanted to see what would happen if he disregarded Sho's orders, and the rest of him just wanted to find peace. But Sho had told him to stop, and Aiba found that he had no real willpower to go against whatever he asked of him. “Sho,” he pleaded.

   He felt something fall with a soft thump on the coverlet beside him, and then a whisper in his left ear. “How do you want me?”

    Aiba opened his eyes in mild shock. The memories of his fantasies blurred his vision. “I want to take you from behind, while you're up against the wall.”

    Sho guffawed. “Leave it to you to be so adventurous for our first time, Aiba-chan.” But he didn't complain. He passed him the lube he had thrown on the bed still laughing, and Aiba prepared him thoroughly. When he was done, he put a condom on, and then he stood up pulling Sho with him, kissing him passionately, his throbbing, neglected erection rubbing against the other man's half hard member.

    He pushed Sho against the wall of his bedroom with a sense of urgency. The older man's eyes were completely dark, and he seemed surprised but evidently not entirely displeased with the way Aiba was manhandling him. He gave him a peck on the lips and made him turn. He saw his back muscles contract, so he brushed a hand over them while directing himself into Sho very gently.

    He kissed his back softly, waiting for him to adjust. He didn't move until he heard the older man say “go ahead.” He started thrusting, slowly and carefully at first, quickening his pace whenever he felt Sho's muscles relax more under his touch. Their moans were muffled by the sound of their skins coming in contact, harder and faster each time.

    In Aiba's fantasy, Sho would never look at him, no matter how many times he asked. He would sigh loudly, call his name in pleasure, tell him he's the best he's ever had. But he never turned to look at him as the real Sho did that very moment, with flushed cheeks, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, lips parted slightly, needy eyes filled with love and happiness and lust at the same time. Aiba didn't think it was possible, but he fell even more in love with him in a heartbeat. He pulled out of him, and pushed him on the bed immediately. Sho gasped as he entered him again, this time taking his hands in his, fingers intertwined, his gaze locked on his, not wanting to miss a single moment. The older man looked away with a moan, embarrassed.

    Aiba stopped moving. He was afraid to ask, but he did it all the same. “Sho. Look at me.”

    He looked up at once when he heard the insecurity in his voice. “This is so embarrassing,” he said, but didn't look away again. Aiba rewarded him with a smile as he resumed his thrusting. He felt himself closer and closer to his orgasm, and it was making him go crazy to resist it, but if he could have, he'd choose to stop time in this single instant and stay like this for eternity.

    But time didn't work that way, and with every thrust he felt his head go blanker, and his legs grow weaker. He heard Sho gasp suddenly, clutching hard at his hands, and saw him arch his head and his back while he came in between their bodies. Unable to keep his own orgasm from taking over any longer, Aiba came with a loud moan into Sho's chest.

    “So much better than my fucking dream,” Sho laughed, still trying to recover his breath.

    Aiba giggled, but didn't say anything. He felt himself drift off to sleep. When he'd wake up he'd tell him, he thought. He'd nudge him with his nose and caress his hair, and tell him. _“So much better than my fucking fantasies, too.”_

    But for now, with Sho's hands gently pushing him so he could cuddle behind him, a soft “I love you” spoken in his ear, and the man's laugh still ringing in his ear all the way to his heart, Aiba fell asleep contentedly, with a smile on his face for the first time in a very long time.


End file.
